Turning Things Around

In the past week I have learned so much about myself and how this journey is starting to hint at happiness. I have had 2 appointments with a counselor and I couldn't have made a better decision to go. My life is full of uncertainty right now and just having someone that I can talk to about everything and them giving feedback and helping me sort through my thoughts is great! It's like a sigh of relief not having to hold everything in anymore. I have learned that it's okay to cry. I shouldn't feel like I have to be tough and just hold it all in. Letting all those emotions out is the only way I can sort through them and learn to handle them. It's okay to cry because sometimes that's the only thing that can help at the moment. I've also started a journal for my deepest thoughts, another way to get the emotions out. This blog has helped but sometimes there are just some things that I want to keep private, and the journal's for that. I'm telling you it feels great to not hold everything in. I still may not talk to people about what's on my mind, but putting it down on paper, just getting it out of my head, helps so much.

I've also started training for a 10K, The Marine Corps Marathon (MCM) 10K to be exact. It's in Washington, DC and I could not be more excited! Accomplishing this would be something that I've only dreamed of. I have never been a good runner. My lungs kinda hate me and cause me to struggle a lot, but I've found a plan that eases you into it, so I know I can do this! I'm just going to have to start saving now to be able to get there! Here's a link to see the course:
http://www.marinemarathon.com/Assets/Maps/10K+Course+Map.pdf
It looks so fun and I can't wait to participate!

See, I told yall that I would have a happy post soon. I'm still going to have my bad days, but I know I'll always have my friends and family there to help me through. I love you all! Peace. Love. Semper Fi.

Stuck.

Today I kind of made some sort of progress in my grieving. I finally made the call to speak with a counselor. Although they said they'd call me back and never did, I still mustered up the courage to make the call. I will call again tomorrow and try to set up an appointment. When this first happened, I told myself that I'd start counseling so that I would never get to the point I am now. But my stubborn self thought I could handle it on my own and gave up the idea, telling myself I was too busy and couldn't find the time. That was one of the stupidest things I could have done. I thought I could handle this on my own, but man was I wrong! For the past few months, I have just felt stuck. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. I am living my life day to day, but it's like I don't know where to go from here. I pray every night for God to help me through this and tell me what I should do next. It wasn't until today that I realized He had been giving me the answer all along and I was just too stubborn and blind to see it. Today I was on Facebook and one of my friend's statuses was, "Let Him have all your worries and cares for He is always thinking about and watching everything that concerns you. 1 Peter 5:7" When I read that I realized that all along He had been telling me what I need to do. These past couple of days counseling has been more on my mind as a solution to my feeling "stuck." God has been telling me all along that that will help me feel alive again. And I am so ready to find some sort of normalcy, whatever that means.

This past week has really opened my eyes to how everything is changing me and affecting the people around me. I've become more moody and the littlest things can set me off. Honestly, I don't blame people for not wanting to be around me. I've realized that I've pushed people away and hurt some of the friendships I have. I am determined to fix things, but I'm just really impatient so it's going to be quite difficult for me to be patient and know that things can change. I'm going to want them to happen immediately and it's going to take a lot of time to find my "normalcy."

I apologize that this little blog is primarily sad, but hopefully in the weeks ahead I will start to see more happiness in my life and I will be glad to share it with you all. I know I will, and when I do I will have learned so much about myself and how much strength I really have inside of me. It's just the getting there part that going to take time, time that I wish would hurry up. Peace. Love. Semper Fi.