Well It's About Time...

It has been over a month since my last post and I have no excuse other than I've been lazy. I've been so wrapped up in my schoolwork that when I finally have some down time I just want to lay in bed, watch tv, and relax. Well, that's all about to change because I gave up tv for Lent. It hasn't been too bad yet, but it hasn't even been 24 hours so well see how I feel a week from now! Also, I am adding something to my life for Lent. I have made a promise to write either in my journal or my blog everyday. So, hopefully you'll be getting more posts from me more often! I know you're just so excited! Ha.

Let's see...This past month a lot has been going on in my grieving process. I started to notice that I was consuming myself in my schoolwork again, and not facing reality, not facing what I need to deal with. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Josh, but some days I just don't want to believe it. I try so hard to tell myself that he is still in Afghanistan and when we go to North Carolina he is going to walk right back into my life. If only it was that easy. I wouldn't say that I haven't accepted the fact that he is gone. I would say that some days I can't believe it because he is the last person I would expect to leave me. We've been friends for so long, and I never thought about him leaving and never coming back. So, I think it is safe to say that it is still sinking in because I have had to completely learn how to live again. My life is so different now, and most of the time I find myself asking "Who am I?" I honestly don't know the full answer to that question. I do know that I am not the same Hannah that I used to be. Things that were important to me then are the least of my worries. I used to be so consumed with getting A's on everything, putting everything I have in my schoolwork so that I make my parents proud. Now, I could care less if I get all A's, as long as I am doing my best and most importantly spending time with my parents. Being with my friends and family means more to me now than ever before. I try to make the most of my visits home and almost always find myself wishing that I had just one more day with them because you never know when you'll have to say goodbye. I don't know if I will ever completely understand who I am now, but I would really like to be able to understand it. It's so hard to put into words, but I just don't feel like myself. I think I can say that I am a better person now than I was, but sometimes I just feel like I don't belong, that I am meant for so much more than what I am doing now. Hopefully one day I will be able to understand what that purpose is. I know that God will guide me and make me into the person I am meant to be, but I guess that I am just impatient. Okay I know I'm impatient! Ha. I need to continue to put my trust in Him and pray for His guidance through this long journey that He has put me on. Sometimes I just wish that everything would be crystal clear, but we all know that that is never the case.

On a different note, I signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon (MCM) 10K today!!!! That makes it official. I have to do it now because I refuse to be a quitter. Well as we have all seen, gas prices are on the rise, and the 10K is in Washington, D.C. Now anyone that knows the United States realizes that Mississippi and D.C. are not close at all! So...in order for us to be able to get there and afford a hotel and such (hey, were poor college kids remember!?!) I am selling bracelets made for Josh. If you noticed, there is now a "Donate" button on my blog. Well, if you click on that you can purchase one of the magnificent pieces of jewelry. And it can be all yours for the low price of just $5! I mean who can say no to that! It is for a good cause, you get to wear the name of an American Hero on your wrist, and you're only out $5. So, skip the drive through one day and use that money for a bracelet. Come on, you know you want to! :) Until next time...Peace. Love. Semper Fi.