Yesterday was the last day of class!!!! I couldn't have been happier haha So after class I took the rest of the day off because I thought I deserved it. And, I wasn't feeling too well and was pretty homesick yesterday. I'm not for sure why but I think it was because I was done with school but couldn't go home because I still have a project and an exam. If I went home I know I wouldn't get any studying done! I slept away most of the day hoping to feel better, but whenever I was awake I was really missing home and Josh. It has been a while since I've had a day like that. I guess I was overdue, but I really prefer not to be sad all the time. I constantly try to remember the good times like everyone keeps telling me, but sometimes that just doesn't help. The good times will never bring him back. The good times will never happen again. And the good times don't always make me feel better. Sometimes they make me even sadder, like yesterday. So, I just stopped thinking about the good times and had a little cry. It wasn't enough I don't think, but I never have been one to cry too much so I kind of stopped when I thought it was enough. But I've learned that when something like this happens tears just aren't enough. Yes, they help for a short time, but then what? Are you supposed to cry some more to feel better? I guess crying helps to get the feelings out in that moment, but those feelings always come back. They will never go away. You can hide them, but then when you least expect it, they rise to the surface and you just want to cry again. I have to admit that I have gotten better about crying when I start to get tears in my eyes instead of just shaking them off, because putting those feelings away can't be healthy. One of the big reasons that I try to push my feelings away is because they always cause me to ask questions that I know will never be answered. Like why him? I think why is the biggest question that I seem to ask myself. And I know that that question will never be answered so I try not to let it eat at me, but I can't help but ask it. I think that anyone who experiences a sudden loss so close to them will always ask this question. I just hope that anyone reading this that has been through something similar to this will know that they are not alone in thinking that. They are not alone at all. So many people are affected by something like this, so I find comfort in being surrounded by those that are grieving over this too. It's not like we just sit around and cry together to feel better. I would hate that! Just being together going to a movie, playing a game, or just hanging out makes me feel better. And I always know that if I want to talk, they understand and are probably thinking and feeling the way that I am.
Today was a better day. It started off being kinda sad, but I was determined to have a good day and it was. It was pretty laid back, just lounging and doing homework. Hopefully the rest of my study days won't be super boring. But Saturday I get to see Will and I am so excited! Maybe that will stop my homesickness and hold it off until I get to go home on Thursday. But I am determined to have a better mindset and not get so homesick again. I just saw my family last weekend for almost a week, so I just don't understand it! I never get homesick! haha But Saturday should be very fun! We're going Christmas shopping and going to see Tangled. I am stoked! It'll definitely take my mind off of home and studying!I am so thankful to have such a wonderful boyfriend! He knows just what to do to lift my spirits! I've always been a sucker for Disney princesses and he knows that. First, Disney Princess on Ice and now Tangled! Not to mention the blanket and shirt he made me. Oh and the cup and bowl set. I am so blessed to have him in my life! Actually, I am so thankful to have everyone in my life! They have been so helpful and supportive through it all. Always make sure you have a strong support system in your life because you never know when you will need them the most! Peace. Love. Semper Fi.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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