busy, busy, busy

Oh. My. Goodness.

Ever since I have gotten home from school I have been outrageously busy and haven't had much time to write in my blog. I apologize. I don't really mind being that busy, it's just I forget what I'm supposed to do and plan things at the same time. I'm really bad at that. I need to write everything down in my planner asap! Since I've been back so much has happened! My brother, Mason, got the flu so I've been avoiding him and disinfecting the house. The doctor even gave my sister and I medicine since we didn't have the shot so that we won't get it. I greatly appreciate that because I cannot afford to be getting the flu right now! We've had many a game night and tonight we'll be doing the same thing haha :) I've also made gingerbread houses with William, gingerbread cookie party with my friends, and lots and lots of Christmas shopping. The other day I heard on the radio that it was like a week til Christmas and I didn't believe them until I looked at my calendar. My how time is flying!!! Not good because I'm not ready to go back to school yet. I enjoy doing fun things and relaxing!

Christmas shopping has been especially hard this year, and not just because I have no job. It seems that almost every store I go in, I see something I would buy for Josh or that he has. It's so hard because something for a split second it seems like none of this ever happened and I say to myself that that is what I'm going to get him for Christmas...then I remember and it makes my heart hurt. It makes me realize just how short his time was with us. There were so many things left that we were supposed to do and see and experience. Now, I'm going to have to do all those things without him and it's going to be way more difficult than I thought. This is the season to spend time with your family and friends and a huge part of that is missing this year. It's definitely going to be a different Christmas and holiday season, and I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. I just don't want to deal with it all. It's all so overwhelming and I think that it's like that because I never had enough time to accept it and deal with it. I took almost 2 weeks off of school and that wasn't enough time for me to even think about how to deal with everything. I've never lost someone so close to me before so I have no clue how my emotions are going to be through all of this. I have my good days and my bad days, but it's going to take years for me to finish grieving and I honestly don't know if I'll ever stop. Every milestone in my life, I'm going to wish that he was there to experience it with me. Best friends are supposed to experience all the joys of life together, and ours got cut short. I know that he'll always be there and watching over me, but it's just not the same. But I know that I can be strong through it all with my friends and family by my side.

On a happier note, I got my hair cut today haha. I've been trying to grow my hair out for a while so that I could give it to Locks of Love, but I have yet to succeed. My hair gets to a certain length and then it just get too hard for me to deal with. However, this time I am going to go through with it. My boyfriend's mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, so I thought it could not be a better time for me to donate my hair and I'm going to donate it in her name. She doesn't know yet, so Mrs. Melanie, if you're reading this...Surprise! haha By spring break my hair should be long enough, so I'm going to chop it all off! I'm pretty excited because I've been wanting to do something to help someone or volunteer for something, so this just seems right to me. Also, I'm ready for a change in my hair style because it's pretty bland! The Christmas and holiday season is about giving and sharing, so try to find something to do to help someone out. It's really not that hard and it doesn't have to be anything big either. Just a little change can make a big difference in someone's life. So, don't get caught up in all the presents and superficial-ness that some people tend to see Christmas as. Find the true meaning of Christmas. Peace. Love. Semper Fi.