STRESS!!!

I am so so so sorry it has been so long since I posted! I have been consumed by schoolwork and just can't seem to get a break! Ugh! But...tomorrow is the last day of class!!!! I couldn't be happier! I still will have a project to do and a test to study for but that is nothing compared to these last few days. So...now that I was finally able to find some down time, I'll catch back up to today.

Saturday, I went and visited my Granddaddy in New Albany and am so thankful that I got to! I am so blessed to have him so close by because he is an amazing person. He is a wonderful Christian man and I only hope that when I am his age I can have as much faith as him. It is truly awesome! We're trying to get him to come live at Wesley Meadows so that he can be closer to us, but it is going to take more convincing than I thought. My grandmother, Nellie Ruth as we called her, passed away only 6 days before Josh. I thought it was hard dealing with the death of my first grandparent, but I didn't even know what was coming next. Anyways, after she passed we decided it would be best for him to live close to us so that he could be surrounded by people that love him and are grieving with him. At this point, I think he just wants to stay there because he is holding on the last place him and Nellie Ruth got to be together. Maybe he thinks that by leaving the area that they have lived in for years, would maybe somehow make him forget about her and I can totally relate to that. I always thought that I would move away from Hernando and venture out to a bigger city, not a huge city, but something with more excitement than Hernando. With Josh gone, I don't know how far away I will be able to go. Two and a half hours is already hard enough for me. I know it will get better with time, but this is something that will always be in the back of my mind.

Sunday morning was wonderful. It was the first Sunday in the season of Advent, so my church had a potluck breakfast, and it was delicious! (Especially the stuff Katie made!) We had an awesome "Hanging of the Greens" service. Christmas time at church is always my favorite time of year! I especially like our service that is only readings and music. The music is always wonderful and it'll give you chills! After church it was nothing but homework for like 3 hours and then I got ready to go to the A Day to Remember concert at the New Daisy. That is where my night started to take a turn for the worst! The music was awesome, but the crowd was insane!!! I have more bruises from that show than any other I have been to, and I don't bruise easily! One chick was crowd surfing and she was dropped right on me and I fell to the ground and I seriously thought I was going to be trampled. It was so scary! Then, you would think that girl learned her lesson about not crowd surfing, but she was dumb and decided to do it again! This time she fell again and her shoe ripped my nose ring out! That didn't hurt as much as her shoe hitting my nose. It felt like it broke and was bleeding so I touched it, and that's when I noticed my nose ring was gone and was bleeding. So needless to say, I no longer have a nose ring and may not be able to attend another show at the New Daisy unless it is much much chiller!!! The band A Day to Remember always reminds me of Josh because the first year that I went to Warped Tour, I bought one of their shirts that has wolves and zombies on it. Josh absolutely loved it and wore it for like 2 days straight before I even got a chance to wear it. Everytime I wear that shirt I think of him.

Josh and I on Christmas Day 2008

With all of the stress from school right now, I have definitely noticed that all the feeling of losing Josh are starting to resurface. I tried to push them aside so that I could just focus on getting done with this semester because after all the class that I missed I was close to having to drop out for the semester. I told myself that I could never do that, and I knew that was the last thing he would want me to do. So, I have been working my butt off this whole semester to catch up and keep my grades up. I felt like school was a good distraction from everything, but with these emotions resurfacing, I noticed that I never should have hidden them in the first place. I am really bad about that. I don't really like to deal with things, so I set them aside and hope that they will go away on their own, but they never do. I also think that now that it is getting closer to Christmas and the holiday season, I have realized just how different and difficult it's going to be. I knew he wasn't going to be here even if he was still in Afghanistan, but at least I could send him packages and actually give him a Christmas present. I'm never going to get to do that again. I'm never going to get to spend the holidays with him again, and it is going to be extremely difficult. I just hope that the memories that we shared will help me through all of this rather than make me sadder. We've done Christmas festivities together for as long as I can remember, so things will definitely not be the same this year, but I just trust that the Lord will help me through all of this. I will never know why He would want someone to feel this much pain, but I trust in Him and know that everything He does is what is meant to be. I know that He will make me a stronger person to get through this, I just wish that it would take a few months rather than a few years. He would not give me something or put me through something that I couldn't handle. So, with his guidance, I will survive! Anyone can get through anything with the help of Jesus. Just remember that. He is the one person that will always be there for you, even when you feel like you are alone. That is just something that I think is truly amazing! Even when we sin and do wrong, He does not leave our side or turn against us. Jesus is our one true friend. Peace. Love. Semper Fi.